Sunday, February 16, 2014

God is dead.

How I wish that were. How I want so much for God to die...

I keep my suffering secret. No one knows the crisis of my faith. Because none of them believe, and even those who use the moniker "Christian" are in name only...

How do you explain to someone who views your beliefs as if it were the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that you feel betrayed and abused by God. How do you explain the heartbreak to someone who minimizes your experience to comedic fodder.

It only deepens the wound. Not only have I suffered a crisis of faith in which I have been so deeply betrayed by God, the emotions, and the very crisis I suffer from is unfounded and unjustified.

I see. This is all a figment of my imagination. That I gave up everything for God, that I followed his Will. That I said a prayer with which He responded by rotting my uterus... It's all a figment of my imagination.

Then what matter is it if I'm here at all...

And since God won't die, I might as well.

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